Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment: H.O.P.E. at the Oscars V : War of the Posers




H.O.P.E. at the Oscars V : War of the Posers

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Mr. Lemon seems dubious of the idea that there is hope.
Oscar Sunday will do that to you.

From the Desk of Chris Jackson:

Operatives Kid Protocol, Action J, Oscar Lemon along with camera men Danny Diamond and Able Lemon take the red carpet by storm. We walk right through the front door with full media credentials, two video cameras, and a healthy fear of coming face to face with Joan Rivers (or the Spawn of Rivers).

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Highlights include:

-- Learning that the 300 (or so) people waiting on the street outside to see celebs arrive had been there since 5:00 am. In the sweltering heat. For an event that starts at 5:00 pm, that they wouldn't be invited to in a million years. What was that great line Groucho Marx said about exclusivity? "I wouldn't want to be a part of any club that would let utterly mindless and brainwashed celebrity obsessed morons in."

-- Chatting up most of the security people and police officers guarding the event. Clearly, this is not the can't-miss event of their year.

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-- KP (who is fluent in German) interviewed by a German TV outlet as to why he does not believe that fat old women in heavy makeup (doubling as reporters) rolling around on the Oscar carpet is news.

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-- Action J getting the bleacher crowd to chant H.O.P.E. (video to
come) Basically, the crowd will chant whatever you ask of them and
will say anything you need for the camera. It's funny, but very scary
as well. It helps someone who doesn't run in these circles to understand
how things like Heaven's Gate or Jones Town happen.

We should have taken more advantage of this, because to them
we were celebrities as well. Unfortunately, we were somewhat
overwhelmed by the robotic (but enthusiastic) response we received
from the crowd. Had we thought of it, we could have started chanting
"RIOT" and maybe put a stop this affront.

In the crowds, there were many who had been coming to the Oscars for 20 years, for no clear reason except to feel like they were a part of the event -- and by "a part", we mean doing and saying whatever they are told by anyone who is on a red carpet 3 feet from them.

We couldn't relate to the whole thing, except to picture a 10 year old baseball fan meeting a professional baseball player. The problem, of course, is the fact that this crowd is not 10 and that the baseball players don't throw a giant party where they reward each other for great catches and their teams spend tens of millions so they win.

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-- KP walking behind the E! televisions live feed twice with the "This is
news?!" sign. E! television exists to cover just entertainment-related news, following a belief that some people want to really "explore" the Paris Hilton lost dog story. They're literally an organization that exists to hype other products of the industry that they themselves are part of, but in a generally stupid and boring way.

Can you imagine if there was a newspaper that talked about how other newspapers were amazing? They'd ask hard hitting questions like "The L.A. Times : is it possible that it gets any better" and the editorials would all be about how "interesting" and "sexy" other more talented newspaper editorialist are.

Q: Why doesn't such a newspaper exist?

-- Action J interviewing the E! reporters for the H.O.P.E. documentary. E!'s fashion police correspondent Robert Verdi (the bald man in the white coat above) is the highlight. Verdi was so thoughtful and articulate with a healthy sense of the actual importance of the event it was disarming.

He agreed that there is an unhealthy element to the fans of such events and that all of the media hype and attention being paid to celebrity can be extremely damaging to the public. He would like to see the glorification of celebrity take more of the inspirational tone of "Anyone can make it", despite our agreement that this isn't really the case.

We also touched on the media, and his own responsibility in this dynamic. A great interview, and a thoughtful guy who was candid and honest about the entire event and his role in it. Of course, E! still sucks.

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-- Some distasteful and disgusting man attempting to give Oscar fellatio. Come on buddy, there are better ways to get ahead (HA!) in the business.


Overall, a major victory for H.O.P.E. and the good people of the world.

Our nominee, in the category for biggest waste of time is...

(drumroll please)

Watching a bunch of millionaire actors taking themselves extremely seriously (that means you Sean and Hillary), giving themselves awards that are bought off through the esteemed academy by their studio, and attending the glamorous backslapping and ass kissing parties that contain almost no glamour, and even less fun.

Movies are a wonderful medium for entertainment, and we are as
interested as anyone else to hear the thought process behind talented
people in any field. We are also all for recognizing and rewarding
those who create great works of entertainment for the rest of us to

Even if you were to accept the flawed premise that this is what the Oscars are all about, it's more than a little disturbing the amount of attention and coverage in the media this
event receives. We live in a world where the media makes it easier to name the nominees for Best Supporting Actor than the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize.

Media conglomerates decide every day what we can and can't listen to and what we should or shouldn't watch, and it's time they become more responsible. They must separate news stories from entertainment stories and the glorification of actors from the glorification of people changing the world.

Also, Sideways got hosed.