Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment: H.O.P.E. at the Oscars IV - Longer than Dances With Wolves




H.O.P.E. at the Oscars IV - Longer than Dances With Wolves

IFC Shutters After Party

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This guy was literally yelling at his assistant for 15 min. at
the top of his lungs in the middle of a crowded party

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Glamorous, eh?

From the Desk of Chris Jackson-

Kid Protocol was magic in getting into the after party at Shutters and showed why he is the world's premier party crasher. The upside down guest list maneuver is magic.

This was actually a reasonably good party... Its only marring was the one-man gang of obnoxious celebrity drama named Quentin Tarantino. His loud and in-need-of-attention behavior led him to briefly take the title of "America's #1 Douchebag" away from Jimmy Fallon.

Overall, minimal amounts of cheesy Hollywood types, a lot of people just happy to be there, and some tolerable celebs like Johnny Knoxville. Great food, free top shelf drinks, but the place was overpacked. Had it not been for our responsibilities to our fans world-over, we would have left. Again, I can't reiterate this enough: even when these parties are good, they're still only bearable. On a fun scale they're about par with a neighbor's BBQ that you're only invited to so you won't call the cops later when the music is loud. Just acceptable, nothing more.

But when they're bad... oh boy. And that takes us to are second stop of the evening: the highly guarded, highly coveted, highly boring Jeffery Katzenburg party at The Beverly Hills Hotel.

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Multiple levels of security defending this piece of crap. There's free food and free drinks, which is always a big plus, but who wants to eat and drink somewhere NO ONE is having fun.

This is a business lunch (only with thousands of dollars lavished on the appetizers)- plain and simple. Being there is purely for the benefit of networking and just letting everyone know you could get in. Usher, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Jamie Foxx, Tom Cruise, and a host of other celebs were in attendance, and let me tell you, they are not what you would call a good time.

Most of them are really boring in person, as you would expect from people whose lives revolve around being catered to and isolating themselves from any reality they aren't involved in personally. The really strange part about these parties is no one there seems to be friends or gets along. When you go to a party, typically you see pockets of friends dispersed hanging out together, other people mingling. You know - party crowd.

For these affairs? The celebs come alone, or with a date/hanger on. They then get to work being seen and kissing ass, and then go home. Our agents looked on in horror at the "party" that unfurled around them. Luckily,the disgusting Brett Ratner was in attendance, and he gave impetus to leaving.

Oh, but there was some hope. Waiting for our car and about to leave, I spotted Don Johnson - listing and confused, waiting for his ride as well. 10 minutes earlier we heard the valets on their intercoms in a state of panic looking for Nash Bridges' car and worrying whether they should even bring it to him since he was so plastered. As Kid Protocol strutted up to the bloated Johnson and asked for a picture (preparing his "I am Horrified" sign), something remarkable happened. Don was the only celeb who refused to have his picture taken.

Kid Protocol: Hey Don, can I get my picture with you?

Don Johnson: Sorry man, I'm out with the wife, can't do it.

KP: No problem. Have a great night.

DJ: I'd take it if I was alone, but I've already gone through three (I think he said three) wives and I gotta do everything I can to keep this one around.

KP: (Laughs) No sweat, have a good one.

DJ: Hey what's your name man?

KP: K..P.

DJ: K.P., I'm D.J. You have a great night and the next time we see each other out, we're gonna have us a good time and take that picture.

Crockett; Always as cool as the other side of the pillow. And with that, he got in his car and was driven off into the night.